Selfish Desire

The following post is not entirely an original. A friend of mine had started writing a poem with the title "Selfish Desire", portraying a post-battle scene with a man lying on the ground, breathing his last and thinking about the mistakes he had made which had led him to this final stage of life. He needed me to add more of a storyline to it so he could complete it. I have also added poetic verses of my own.

*****

They say he had a disturbed childhood. Some say he was abandoned at the altar. And yet some say he was simply insolvent in his head.

However, as he lay there taking his last few breaths, none of this mattered. His bones were broken, his body bruised, his face barely recognizable behind all the scars, the stench of smoke and burnt flesh infiltrating his nostrils like a predator giving its prey the last moments of torture before delivering its fatal strike.

He was taking all his secrets with him, leaving nothing behind – no home, no family, nothing. Born of dust, to dust return.

*****

As he walked home, he knew he’d already made up his mind. He loved her more than all else he’d known in this world.

“To none less than a Captain, would I
Give my daughter’s hand.
Worthless cur, dare not return
Till thee rule over respectable land.”

Her father’s words had cut him deep but he knew in some way he was right. He needed something to keep his Love alive on.

“I’ll wait for you forever,” she’d said.
“I, too, have dreamt of marrying a Captain.
I’d never turn you down if you weren’t one,
But my Father’s happiness is also mine.”

Despite his hate for the injustice inflicted upon him by his country, he swore that he would tire and toil till he was worthy enough of fulfilling his fair maiden’s dream. Weeks passed and he smiled on – in spite of every pain in his sinews, in spite of every test he was put through, in spite of every curse and every downfall - blind to everything except what he thought lay ahead – he would get the love of his life, albeit by the literal sweat and blood of his brow.

As time strolled by, a time came when smiles were put to test – to weigh desire out from pride, and see what suited him best. When his eyes succumbed to the comfort of his pillow that night, little did he know it would be the last night of his rest. He did not know that the next morning would be the last he’d see in peace, until that fatal day when he lay taking his last breaths on the battlefield.

Allowed his monthly visit home, chaperoned by the then Captain, he drove towards her house in the jeep, talking excitedly. As they neared the stone villa, he pulled out her photograph and showed it to his superior. Perhaps the biggest blunder he’d made, he failed at first to see the lust and know in the Captain’s eyes. As they pulled into the driveway, the Captain dealt him one below the belt.

“If Captaincy is what’ll help you get her,
Captaincy to you I’ll grant.
I do have a clause though,
One night alone with her is all I want.”

Torn between her pride and his desire, he weighed his consequences and decided to tell her of his dilemma. Much as he hated himself for putting her through this, his selfish desire overruled all. The second biggest mistake he made was to not to see the ease it took to convince her to consent.

As he tossed and turned in his bed that night, repulsed by what the Captain might be putting her through, a knock on his door made him jump up and hope that perhaps the Captain had changed his mind. Her father walked in however; seemed oddly pleased.

“It was nice of you to let my daughter spend a night with her fiancée a week before their wedding.”

*****

At last this madness had come to an end. He seemed to remember going insane after her father had pronounced those homicidal words; what felt like his death sentence. He remembered compulsively striving to become a Captain although he couldn’t figure out why. He knew in his head that he’d lost his mind but didn’t once try to stop his own self destruction. And though when the war raged out the soldiers were given an option, he jumped headfirst into the battle knowing it was his golden opportunity to find peace.

And in those last moments, the only peaceful thoughts he had
Were those of three months ago, it is said;
He thought of how he ran from the stone villa
After shooting Captain and Love through the head.

*****

Bittersweet Farewell

We had it going so perfect with,

But perfection is nothing compared to what we have without.

It isn’t going to be easy fake smiling, pretending nothing ever happened;

Nothing more than what’s happening now,

It will take long, but it will happen –

When we no longer have to act, when the smiles come naturally,

When there’s no more ground breaking tension, no more awkward silences.

Doesn’t take much, just a little determination to iron things out,

A little talent in acting like everything depended on it.

Because no matter how over you I think I am,

I know that I miss you.

And no matter what you say, I’d be really surprised if that wasn’t mutual.

Because I know it’s a really testing year ahead of both of us,

No, nothing to do with each other, but a really scary year still.

Why go through the agony of handling it alone,

When you know that there’s already someone backing you up?

Always ready to listen, to help, to encourage, to advise,

To occasionally curse the rest of the universe with you.

We still have the world to see, people to meet, a lot to do, almost an eternity of time.

Use it all up; waste not want not, as they say.

Amidst it all, still remember deep down, for memory’s sake.

Maybe all I’m saying is, why bother making fresh starts?

Why pretend to be strangers when you can pretend to be friends?

Love it? Let it go. Just know that if it was meant to be, it’ll return.

And if it doesn’t, just know that it was beautiful while it lasted.

Just know that it isn’t always best served your way.

Just know that there’s more to love than love.

Because sometimes, just knowing is all it takes to heal.

=]

The First...

TOPIC: Must we spend a huge amount of money trying to find life in space instead of using the money to bring a better life to people on the Earth?

THE RESIGNATION
I walked into the auditorium, a little apprehensive at first – when one spends five days a week observing the sky and being held responsible for all the amateur scientists in his care, attending a college level debate as a judge doesn’t exactly make it to the ‘Top 100 Things To Do On A Saturday Morning’ list.
I sneaked a peek at the topic given to the poor souls – “Use money to make the Earth inhabitable, not to see if Mars is.”
So this is why they called on me to judge. Oh well, I felt really sorry for the chap who was going to speak for the topic. I was already prejudiced. This was more or less MY career they were talking about here!
After the general formalities of the event, they started at last. Might as well get over with it. A smart looking boy walked up to the podium to give me his side of the issue. Against. Bingo!
‘“There are strange stars near Arcturus; voices are crying an unknown name in the sky” – Archibald MacLeigh,’ he began.
“Impressive.” I thought to myself. “Deep.”
“Unquote,” he continued. “Years and years of study, experimenting and theory have finally paid off. Man has literally taken historical steps towards a better tomorrow. And what could possibly make it better than to find life! Life on planets beyond – life that is probably smarter and better equipped for survival – life that probably discovered time travel even before man discovered fire!”
This boy was simply voicing out what I had felt before took up astronomy! I was getting more and more biased with his every word.
“Many people believe that Space Missions are a big waste of money. They think it doesn’t make sense to blow up millions on making moon gadgets when that same amount could be used to feed hungry mouths. Let me ask you then – if the money wasn’t used to send rockets and satellites into space to increase man’s knowledge, do you really think all of it would reach the people who really needed it? Do you think more than one-third of it would have escaped the clutches of politicians and innumerable middlemen? Do you honestly believe that if man hadn’t landed on the moon, the Earth would be a better place to live in?”
“Hear hear!” I murmured, hanging on to his every word.
“I highly doubt it,” he went on. “For all you know, finding extraterrestrial life could be the answer to all our problems. Perhaps they’ve already thought of ways to end Ozone layer depletion and cure terminal diseases like cancer. They’ve probably unearthed half the mysteries of the Universe already. They’re probably bursting with intelligence. Maybe they know how we came to exist. There is no end to the possibilities of the number of things they might know!”
I was beginning to get excited about the idea of life in outer space all over again.
With a burst of confidence, he continued.
“A lot of critics say that scientists are barking up the wrong tree. They’re convinced that no life exists out there – it’s just a figment of imagination and pointless hope. I beg to differ. Various proofs show that life forms had probably existed on Mars and there’s a remote possibility that they still do.”
“In 1996, a group of scientists discovered a meteorite from Mars that had microbes on it that highly resembled Earth bacteria. Is that not proof enough? If Earth bacteria can survive in the extremely harsh conditions in the Antarctic Region, then why can’t bacteria survive on Mars? Uncountable satellite pictures have shown that once upon a time, Mars had prominent water bodies. This too, supports the life theory. Is this, then, not proof enough to show that our money is not going to a waste?”
“Bang on target!” I smiled to myself.
“In conclusion, I would like to mention the scientists who take it upon themselves to research for the sake of the rest of the world. They haven’t spent twenty odd years studying for something that doesn’t exist. Contrary to popular belief, they are not madmen to waste their lives away without a cause. They have a reason to believe in the extraterrestrials and it would, I’m sure, greatly help them if we encouraged their efforts and not criticized them.”
Maybe it was simply my imagination but I could’ve sworn he gave me a tiny smirk before turning to his opponent for the rebuttal. I guess he already realized I was going to favor him even before listening to the other side.
His opponent looked desperate to get a million questions off her chest, which, quite frankly, puzzled me. I thought the speech was perfect.
“About that 1996 case,” she began. “If you had followed through that entire case, you would have found out that it was later confirmed that the microbes on the meteorite inhabited it AFTER reaching the Earth and thus can’t really be called Martian bacteria.”
I had totally forgotten about that part of the incident myself. This girl had done some serious research alright. The boy was stumped at any rate. I had a feeling he had chosen not to mention it, hoping everyone would take his word for it.
“Secondly,” she continued. “The existence of water bodies on Mars – there USED to be rivers. There aren’t anymore. And the polar ice caps on Mars, unlike the ice in Antarctica, contain mainly dry ice which is absolutely uninhabitable. So even if there was life on Mars, it isn’t there anymore! So stop wasting time, energy and money searching!”
This time, the boy wasn’t the only one stumped. The only thing he could be grateful for was that the rebuttal time was over and the girl couldn’t fire any more at him.
It was her turn next and to my own surprise, I actually wanted to listen to what she had to say!
‘“We plainly see and feel that all changes that occur on Earth are for the use, comfort and benefit of man. For his comfort and nourishment are created herbs, cereals, fruits, beasts, birds and fishes. Now of what use to the human race could generations ever be which might happen on the Moon or other planets?” – Galileo Galilei,’ she already had me rapt.
“All man’s work in this field may not have been in vain, but it hasn’t been entirely fruitful either. We know for sure that no one lives on the Moon and most probably not on Mars either. Even if we do find life on other planets, we know for a fact that it would be nearly impossible to commute to and fro without maybe another century of research. The sun would probably burn out by then and we would all be dead.”
“It’s strange how everyone assumes that life out there is smarter than us. Well, if they’re so smart. Why haven’t THEY found US yet? For all we know, they could be absolutely useless ammonia-drinking invertebrates with hardly a fully functional brain. And what do we have on our hand then? More monsters. Not very helpful in bringing about world peace, huh? Obviously not.”
You had to admit. She’d got style alright.
“Do you know how much money was spent putting together a space shuttle to send a “friendly message” to all possible life forms out there? In 1972, the Pioneer X launched a gold anodized aluminum plate – with a message showing the little green men where the Earth was and what Earthlings looked like – drifting into space, hoping a spaceship would one day find it. And if the aliens don’t speak English? Worry not, because the message is an entirely different lingua franca – a language randomly invented using Maths and dots and assumed to be known by creatures of the entire Universe.”
Blunt girl, this.
“So if they had used the money to teach and feed the little kids in Uganda, I’m sure one of those kids would’ve been bright enough to think of a solution to poverty,” she said, determined to make a point.
“We should probably concentrate on something closer to home, you know. Instead of focusing on planets beyond, focus on more mundane matters than need fixing more,” she said and then paused.
“Besides,” she continued. “There are five possibilities to why we haven’t discovered extraterrestrials – 1: We are probably the intelligent ones in the Universe looking for deformed primitive creatures that couldn’t care less. 2: We are so unintelligent that the Universe couldn’t be bothered with us. 3: The aliens are trying to contact us and we are just not getting the message. 4: They are probably studying us this very moment without our knowledge. Or 5: there are just too many planets in the Universe and it’s impossible to conduct that kind of interstellar travel.”
She flashed a triumphant smile and waited for the rebuttal.
None came.
*****
Half an hour later, to my utmost surprise, I handed in my resignation letter at the laboratory…